I Feel a New Texas Porn-Warning Label Coming Our Way…

According to CBS Austin, the arrest warrant for Joseph Francis Frederick III (hereafter “Joe Frank Fred 3” or “JFF3”), a Travis County Assistant District Attorney, accuses Joe Frank Fred 3 of “threatening the man with a loaded revolver at their shared apartment.” The affidavit added that the incident allegedly started when JFF3 “who was having trouble streaming porn on a TV, woke the man up to ask for help.”

After his roommate fixed the TV issue, JFF3 “accused him of flirting with a guest who had been in their home earlier,” the report adds. When his roommate then tried to leave, JFF3 “attempted to force his way into the man’s locked bedroom, damaging the door.”

Later, when the roommate left his room to use the bathroom, JFF3 was standing in the hallway, aiming a silver revolver at the poor schlep. JFF3 later “allegedly raised the gun to the man’s face and said ‘I’ll shoot you,’” at which point the roommate began recording the incident. According to police, the video shows JFF3 “holding the revolver and angrily telling the man to leave.” The cops “recovered a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special with five hollow point rounds” from JFF3 at the scene.

JFF3 was booked into the Travis County Jail on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a second-degree felony. (No word on whether he will also be charged with aggravated attempted porn-watching, which I assume in Texas is also a felony by now.)

“It’s a huge deal,” local defense attorney Ty Cardenas Wittenstein told CBS Austin. “It’s definitely a huge deal.”

I’m assuming Wittenstein is talking about the arrest of JFF3, not whatever technical issue it was that frustrated his attempts to stream porn on his TV.

“We’re all very close,” Wittenstein added, in reference to attorneys on both sides of the prosecution/defense divide in Travis County. “It’s not like Law and Order where we’re fighting all the time. It is really unfortunate, and really sad for everyone involved.”

I’m not sure “sad” is the word JFF3’s roommate would choose. Maybe “insane,” or “frightening” or “the worst case of streaming-glitch-related blue balls I’ve ever witnessed in a roommate,” but probably not “sad.”

Either way, I figure the obvious outcome here will be a new porn warning label cooked up by the Texas legislature – and possibly a whole new statute requiring manufacturers of streaming-capable devices to provide both a “safe mode” to allow users to opt out of streaming adult material and a “safe room” for the roommates of users to hide in when the user can’t figure out how to turn off the “safe mode.”

You know, say what you will about physical media being obsolete or insufficiently convenient, but back in the days when DVDs were dominant, I never once had a roommate wake me up and stick a gun in my face because he couldn’t get the “extras” menu to work on his copy of Pirates.

Warning sign image by Skitterphoto from Pexels