‘Unfinished Business’: Ivy Wolfe Discusses Comeback


LOS ANGELES—Ivy Wolfe finds that sharing what she’s going through without fear of judgment is therapeutic. “I feel like that's been my biggest goal in this industry is to be vulnerable,” Wolfe says. “I think that a lot of people see us as sex objects. And I think that's because we hide behind our sexuality at times. “And I don't think that that's all that we are and that's all that makes a good model.” Instead, the 2019 AVN Best New Starlet reasons that “a depth of character, a level of creativity, a level of openness and kindness is what makes a beautiful model—and what makes a good performer.” The 24-year-old star is making a gradual return to adult performing after a two-year hiatus in which she embarked on a journey of self discovery and reflection. She tells AVN being open about her personal challenges on social media platforms such as her official Instagram has created a connection with many of her peers that she otherwise may not have forged. “It's helped a lot of my fellow performers, a lot of people in the industry that are feeling the same way,” Wolfe continues. “We’re in a tight-knit industry. And I feel that in me sharing my vulnerability and my struggles, a lot of these girls identify with that because a lot of them share the same. “And a lot of us are reaching for this depth that we don't get to have or experience and I want to be a safe place for that to come out and be OK. And I feel like I've done a decent job providing that.” Wolfe made her adult industry debut in 2017, performing in almost 100 titles for all the major studios en route to two AVN Awards in January 2019—one of which was the top prize for a new female performer. She authored a breakout year in 2018, receiving accolades such as Twistys Treat, Penthouse Pet, Girlsway Girl of the Month and Vixen Angel. After spending most of the past two years away from the bright lights of Porn Valley, Wolfe feels ready to give her all on set again. “I feel like since leaving I have a renewed vigor,” she says. “Since taking that time for myself, I feel ready to come back and explode all over this industry.” That’s exciting news for fans of her uninhibited performances—not to mention Vixen Media Group, which has signed an exclusive deal with Wolfe for an undisclosed number of scenes that are marking her comeback. “We're going to be bringing a pretty epic return,” Wolfe says with a smile. “I'm excited to be back. I took a break for a few years. … As many of my fans know, I was dealing with some pretty hard stuff at the time. And I've had a hard childhood, as many of us in this beautiful industry have. It's what makes us deeper, more shameless, more open. I feel like that's kind of what opens us in that way is our trauma. That's what makes us more open minded.” Not unlike when she throws down for a sex scene, Wolfe went all in with her hiatus, not even updating her OnlyFans. “I want to publicly apologize for the lack of consistency that was with my OnlyFans,” Wolfe says. “When I left the industry it was hard to be in front of the camera at all in a way that was sexual simply because I felt like I hadn't found my full uniqueness yet, and I wasn't able to bring that yet.” She says the timing of her comeback was directly related to her recently completing a mushroom ceremony. Ivy explains that during her two years away she was micro-dosing mushrooms as she contemplated her past, present and future, confronting many unresolved emotions. “That was really, really helpful in healing a lot of stuff inside and a lot of mental stuff that was going on. It kind of healed me from the inside out. And then I did a big, big conclusion ceremony with like a full dosage,” Ivy continues. “And during that mushroom ceremony, I looked at and saw all the ways in which I would bleed myself dry for this industry, for every person that sits in front of me, for every photographer who I get behind the camera, I will give everything until I cannot breathe. “And I love that that's who I am. But I realized I can come back and still take care of me, too. I can succeed and make a difference in this industry while still loving myself. “And when I fully realized that during this mushroom ceremony where I was like, ‘Oh, wait, it's the fact that it's my fault.’ I'm not a victim. We are not victims, I get to choose, I get to decide like, ‘Oh, I'm gonna drink some water. I'm gonna take a second to calm down before I have a panic attack.’ You know, just certain things that people with mental health stuff should just do. "For me, I would sacrifice everything—everything for whoever it is that I'm working for. And I realized I don't have to do that. This industry is here welcoming that self care. It really, really welcomes it. It does. There are so many beautiful companies to work for.” When Wolfe came to that realization, she reached the conclusion that “I’m not done yet.” “I have a mission, I have a message to deliver,” Wolfe continues. “And I'm not done delivering that message. And my message is shamelessness. “My message is we are not all that you think we are. We are human beings. We are people, we are talented, we are creative, and we are sexual. But that's not all we are. And I just realized that my work was not done.” So she took action, reaching out to Motley Models president Dave Rock to discuss her plan for coming back. “I had been keeping up with what Vixen had been doing. And I saw them moving in a more and more mainstream direction, just a very creative direction—just a very glamorous, beautiful direction,” Wolfe recalls. “And I saw myself in them. “I saw a true passion for art. And I see that in all the companies, honestly, I really, really do. But I think Vixen has put it all on the line, as far as art goes. That’s their whole thing. That's all they're about. And so I felt very congruent with partnering with them for my comeback scenes. “And really I felt like they would give me a proper platform to express that creativity that I had unlocked even deeper within myself. And to carry that message of we are not to be mistaken. We are to be taken seriously. I just felt like I had unfinished business.” Wolfe at the time of this interview in May had already shot three new scenes for Vixen Media Group, but wanted to keep the details under wraps for the moment. During her time away, she traveled to places such as Ecuador, where she got initiated in the healing art of Reiki, a Japanese form of alternative medicine that involves channeling energy from the therapist to the patient in the form of touch. “Ecuador is beautiful. That was one of the first places I ever went. I have been doing Reiki and stuff like that my whole life. I was very raised very spiritually. At 8 years old I was required to meditate, stuff like that. So I was very much raised to be present, tapped in,” Wolfe says. It was while Ivy was in Ecuador that she participated in her first mushroom ceremony. “It was the most insane experience of my life. It was crazy,” Wolfe says. “And my first mushroom ceremony there I died during the mushroom ceremony—I felt like a part of me dying. And it was the sad part of me that had been abused for so long in her childhood. And she was just ready, she was ready to die. She was ready to let go. And I kind of just held her and I held myself. And I just felt all of that leaving me.” Wolfe continues, “And then I kind of… the high wore off, the medicine wore off. And then I woke up and I was a different person—I felt like a different person. And from there, I sold everything I owned. And I only kept what could fit in a suitcase. And I decided I was going to follow my intuition and my gut, and I was going to go on a healing journey. And I had just received a pretty large inheritance that I still have. And I just did it.” After she sold all her belongings, she moved to Hawaii with only one suitcase in 2019. “And I lived in a little hut on a huge plot of land, and the windows wouldn't close, it was raining all the time. You would just hear rain, feel rain, smell rain constantly. And I did a lot of inner work there. I did a lot of sitting and looking at past traumas, and processing. And just being with myself, asking myself powerful, potent questions,” Wolfe explains. She started a side business of offering her fans the opportunity to receive Reiki treatment from her over Zoom. “Long distance Reiki and a healing session from Ivy,” she says. “So I would be very careful in my selection. And certain fans I would allow that I thought were respectful and wanted the actual healing. I would do a little Zoom chat with them and I had a rate and then I would walk them through whatever it is that they're feeling in their soul that they need help with. “And we would call on their angels. And we would do deep breathing exercises together. I would do long distance Reiki, and I still get messages from them, ‘Oh my god, you changed my life.’ And I’m like, ‘I didn't change your life, you changed your life.’ “But it's just… I feel very grateful that people saw me as someone with powerful things to say, and saw me as somebody that could be a guide while we're all navigating pain inside. So that's kind of what I did. And then I came to where I'm living now.” Wolfe says at the time she also was helping her former partner’s mother in her battle with breast cancer. “And we decided to just come and hold down the fort for her,” Ivy adds. “And I had a lot of money I could help out with and we just really wanted to provide a safe space for her. Lord and behold, she healed completely. She's cancer free. Everything's amazing. Me and him didn't work out. We're still great friends. “But it was just wasn't working. We gave it a great shot. We had two beautiful years and just wasn't working.” One of the most rewarding parts of her decision to describe what she’s feeling without shame has been the feedback she has received. “I've had countless people come up to me in tears, telling me that the fact that I've been sharing so vulnerably has helped them and changed them,” Ivy says. “And a lot of my fans, some of them fell off. But I actually feel like I got more fans by showing a vulnerable side of myself. “I hope to provide a platform for many people or inspiration for many people to be more vulnerable. Because that's what saved me in a lot of ways. … I want to give this industry a new name.” Photography by @kogafoto