Congrats, Adult Industry—You're Officially Second-Class Citizens!

For those who haven't noticed, most of the adult industry, minus the clip and cam companies, is heading for the crapper economically as the COVID-19 pandemic has shut down such "non-essential" businesses as strip clubs, adult video stores, sex toy boutiques, adult movie producers, Nevada brothels, you name it—but thankfully (of course!) not gun dealers (which is technically an adult business), 'cause who knows who you'll have to defend yourself against once the food riots start? But the point is, this business shutdown won't be going away anytime soon, and even the federal Small Business Administration has figured that out—so they're offering to make loans to "qualified" small business entities under the SBA's Economic Injury Disaster Loan Program—and the estimated time for completing the application is a mere two hours and ten minutes, which shouldn't be a problem for all the business owners who are currently sheltering in place rather than making a living. Of course, there are criteria that one must meet in order to apply for such a loan. For example, the business, cooperative, non-profit or "tribal small business concern" seeking the loan can't have more than 500 employees—and that's pretty much it. But in order to be an "eligible entity," the applicant has to agree that he/she/it doesn't engage in certain types of activity, particularly "illegal activity (as defined by Federal guidelines)"—which probably eliminates all marijuana growers and dispensaries. Also barred are people who are more than 60 days delinquent on child support payments; who derive more than one-third of their gross annual revenue from legal gambling activities; are a lobbyist, or a state, local or municipal government entity or member of Congress ... and this little cutie: "Applicant does not present live performances of a prurient sexual nature or derive directly or indirectly more than de minimis gross revenue through the sale of products or services, or the presentation of any depictions or displays, of a prurient sexual nature." Yup, that's right there in the middle of the application page! The key word, of course, is "prurient," which Merriam-Webster Online defines as "marked by or arousing an immoderate or unwholesome interest or desire; especially: marked by, arousing, or appealing to sexual desire"—all of which is perfectly legal, despite "prurient" being one of the words the Supreme Court uses in defining "obscenity." So what the SBA is saying that even if your business is completely legal and above-board, if you're a nightclub that presents strippers on a nightly basis, if you're a video store which brings in more than a tiny part of its income from XXX DVDs, a boutique that brings in more than a minuscule income from sex toy sales, or a movie theater that gets more than a little income from showing adult movies, YOU'RE NOT ELIGIBLE! So you can take your multi-hundred or thousand (or million) dollar pandemic-caused losses, put 'em under your pillow and cry yourself to sleep because the federal government isn't going to help you become whole again. This might be something you'll want to take up with to your senator or congressional rep.