Illinois Gov. Forces Adult Boutique to Stop Curbside Service

WEST PEORIA, Ill.—If there have been two major themes to come out of the current COVID-19 pandemic, they are that 1) people shouldn't have a lot of close, personal contact with each other, and B) that a good way to bide one's time while sheltering at home is to have sex and/or masturbate. Sadly, for The Green Door Video & Erotic Boutique, those two advisories came in conflict earlier this week, leaving Green Door customers in possible sexual limbo. It all started on March 20, when Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker issued an "immediate stay-at-home" order, shutting down all "non-essential" businesses, after reports said that the state by that time had 585 coronavirus infectees—and five deaths from the virus. But what is an "essential" business? The management of Green Door, which is located at 2610 W. Farmington Road, decided that "essential" was exactly what the store was, since according to a story on Patch.com, it carried among its products "FDA approved lubes," "doctor prescribed penis pumps and female stimulants" and "medical marijuana pipes and accessories." Still, the store did want to be cautious in the face of the rapidly escalating pandemic, so it posted notices on its entrance and online to let its customers know that no one would be allowed inside the store itself—but that it would gladly fill phoned-in or internet-placed orders by bringing the items to the customer's car. "The Green Door has not closed its doors in over 40 years," the store's staff posted on its Facebook page. "However, in the event of a [worldwide] pandemic, we do NOT fall under the blanket of ESSENTIAL BUSINESS. But just because the doors are locked, does not mean we are still not available. If you need something from us and you know exactly what it is, you can give us a call ... and we will do what the restaurants are doing and bring it out to your car." An earlier post had declared, "In light of recent news, the Green Door will continue to be open as we are part of ‘the fundamental building blocks that keeps our society safe and steady,’" adding that the store would continue to offer "the best and most stocked store of intimate adult pleasure items to help during this hectic quarantine." But as is too often the case, there was a buzzkill in the crowd who called in a complaint to the Peoria County Sheriff's Department, grousing at the fact that while gun stores, movie theaters and gyms were all shuttered for the duration, this sex shop was still doing business as (almost) usual. So according to the Peoria Journal-Star, a sheriff's deputy, after obtaining a copy of the stay-at-home order, paid a visit to the store and spoke to the manager, who told the officer that he understood that, though no one could enter the store itself, curbside service was still okay. "He stated he believed he could still operate since he sells FDA-approved items," the deputy wrote in his report. "I informed [him] this was not the case." So as of Wednesday, March 25, The Green Door temporarily shut its door(s) completely—and posted a note on that entrance, apparently addressed to the tattletale, together with a "fuck you" finger emoji, which read, "Thanks Phil; you guys be safe at Walmart."