Tower of London Guard Caught Watching Porn Instead of Crown Jewels

A guard at The Tower of London was caught watching porn while on duty this week. Instead of keeping a close eye on the CCTV to protect the historic landmark and tourist attraction’s many visitors—or the Crown Jewels—the guard was photographed staring at smut on his phone with his hand cupped carefully over his groin. The video still captured in the image was of “a brunette woman in black suspenders performing a lewd sex act,” according to The Sun.

According to an anonymous source, The Sun reported, “The photo was sent to a WhatsApp group in a lighthearted way,” probably by a coworker who snapped the photo during a shift change. “No one has told the bosses so he still has his job,” the source continued.

But the Tower of London brass has taken notice. In an official statement, a spokesperson for the Tower told the media it was launching an investigation into the incident. “Security is of the utmost importance to us. We take these matters extremely seriously and will be conducting a thorough investigation,” the spokesperson told The Sun. 

They have reason to be concerned. The Crown Jewels are nearly priceless, as is the entirety of the Tower of London, one of the most impressive and historically significant buildings in Britain. The Sun’s anonymous source said, “when you work at the Tower of London you have a huge responsibility, so it is simply outrageous. It is also dangerous because he isn’t protecting the public as he should be. If someone who was a potential threat wanted to walk in, I bet he wouldn’t notice a thing.” With around three million visitors to the Tower every year and such valuable artifacts on display there, any lapse in security could be a problem. Even if it’s just to watch a brunette getting shtupped.

Still, the guard’s x-rated exposure has been good for a few laughs. The photo was taken at the Tower’s East Gate entrance, just yards from the nearly priceless Crown Jewels. “The guard was reportedly spotted watching adult material on his phone at the East Gate entrance, close to where the Crown Jewels are held,” quipped Sophia Sleigh at the Evening Standard. Her pun didn’t got unnoticed: there’s a Twitter thread rife with bawdy jokes just waiting to be scrolled through, with a few already highlighted over at The Poke.

Tower of London photo by Craig Makin