The Terror Of Porn Cooties, Part 29

BIRMINGHAM, U.K.—For more years than we can count, adult content production has found what might be described as "exotic" locations in which to film people having sex with each other (or just pleasuring themselves). A couple of years ago, AVN wrote about the dust-up at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport when it was discovered that an adult shooter had been filming sex acts in one of the airport's high-rise garages, and just a couple of months ago, it was revealed that the website PornXN had posed one of its fetish models, Lyen Parker, against the front door of Water Orton Parish Church in Warwickshire and filmed her peeing—with the church's name shown prominently in the video. Of course, as a result of such "unacceptable behavior"... absolutely nothing untoward happened. No one outside of the production crew saw any hardcore action taking place, no one was aware that the filming had taken place, and the producers left no evidence of sexual activity at the location—and even though such was claimed, not even here. But for some, the mere (former) presence of an adult producer and performers on a particular property at any time is cause for (current) alarm, in what can only be described as a paranoid fear of "porn cooties": the idea that wherever an adult industry member has ever been, some infectious psychic residue of that presence is left behind; a sort of "porn cootie." Hence, only the "porn cooties" concept can explain the most recent furor about the PSL Bowling Complex in the Stirchley area of Birmingham, a business that is "often used" for <gasp!> "children's parties"! "Sordid scenes involving two scantily clad women and a man carrying a pair of bowling shoes were filmed in the distinctive interior of the PSL Bowling Complex in Stirchley, Birmingham," reported The Daily Mail (U.K.), later adding, "The film shows the trio indulging in sex on the business's colourful furniture, with PSL's bowling alley in the background." (see photo above) But though everyone with any knowledge of the bowling alley believes that "the blue film was shot several years ago before the current owners took over," nonetheless, one "concerned parent" wrote to the Birmingham Mail, "I wouldn't want my two kids sitting on the chairs seen in these images or bowling there, knowing what's gone on." Seriously, what's the problem? Does "concerned parent" actually think her (or his) kid is going to catch some years-old disease from the chairs? Is he (or she) afraid that someone will snap a photo of the kid in the chair and Photoshop it into stills from the porn movie? That's "porn cooties" in action! And damnit, somebody's going to do something about it! "When the new management team saw stills of the footage, Martin Parsonage(!), who is in the process of taking over the building's lease, said, 'By hook or by crook, I will find out who is responsible!'," The Daily Mail reported. Apparently, Parsonage has already spent a lot of money trying to make the place "family friendly," and to say the recent revelation has thrown a monkey wrench into his plans might be an understatement. "We are currently going through old documents, invoices and CCTV footage, which we still have access to," Parsonage said. "There must have been some payment. I have my suspicions, but that is all I'm prepared to say. I don't need this—this is a family venue." But we're not sure that simply finding who got the bucks for renting out this location will be enough. PSL Bowling Complex may need an exorcism.