Op-Ed: Hey, President Obama: How About Visiting a Porn Set?

PORN VALLEY—As this is written, President Obama is on his way back to D.C. after having attended a couple of fundraisers in Beverly Hills, visited with filmmaker Tyler Perry... and jammed up the intersection where the 210 and 134 freeways meet in order to visit with political commentator/comedian Marc Maron, and to participate in a podcast taping ... in Maron's garage! We found that last item kind of interesting, not only because of the rarity of a presidential visit to the Pasadena area, but because the President of the United States actually took the time to visit a non-mainstream journalist (Maron had two shows on Air America before it folded, and currently has a show on IFC) at his home (well, garage) for a quick chat before tying up traffic yet again and heading back to Washington. And thus, an idea was born: Why doesn't the President visit an adult movie set? Let's face it: Adult entertainment, even in this day of rampant piracy, is still an economic force in this country, albeit one without much if any power in the halls of Congress. It employs thousands of people, pays millions in taxes and is in some ways the ultimate embodiment of the First Amendment's "free speech" and "free press" clauses, especially in the face of so many preachers and conservatives trying to shut the industry down because it offends their "morals." (These would be the "moralists" who oppose women's rights to sovereignty over their own bodies, whose priests rape children, whose TV preachers con their viewers into contributing to bogus charities or other flights [sic] of fancy; who oppose affordable housing, who oppose same-sex marriage and won't let gays adopt children, who believe there's not really any such thing as a transgendered person, who have no problem with anyone walking around in public with deadly weapons strapped to their sides—do we really need to go on?) But despite his flaws (and there are many, not the least of which is the TPP), Obama seems to be a modern man (as opposed to pretty much everyone who's announced as a Republican candidate), one who admits to having smoked pot in the past, who's not afraid of sex, and who's even been photographed kissing his wife on the lips in public. Obviously, we don't know what the First Couple does in the privacy of their own bedroom, so who knows if there's any porn stashed behind the DVD player—but just in human terms, there doesn't seem to be any reason why he couldn't visit an adult movie set. After all, he's not running for (re)-election to any office, and as an ex-president in 18 months, it's unlikely that he'll ever have to worry about where his next meal is coming from, so what's he got to lose? (Aside from every religio-conservative "moralist" in the country giving him shit for it, of course...) In fact, let's expand the offer: Let's invite every presidential candidate, Democrat or Republican, to head over to the San Fernando Valley and watch people who fuck for a living make their living! Our best bet to get would, of course, be Bernie Sanders, who as a college student in 1963 published a treatise titled "Sex and the Single Girl—Part 2," which began, "The purpose of this paper is to challenge the right of the Administration of the University of Chicago to forbid, by threat of disciplinary action, the students in the College to engage in sexual relations," and which asked the question, "[I]s the Administration's decision in favor of forced chastity, and the right to punish violators of it, based on scientific and rational opinion (the only kind of opinion which students should accept), or is it simply based on a combination of the Bible and Ann Landers?" Good question!!! (Let's hope he carries through on that thought in the White House.) Hillary Clinton would also be invited, and considering to whom she's married, she's probably already had a bit of exposure to adult entertainment in one form or another. But first and foremost, she's a woman, so perhaps she can take pleasure in the fact that the women performers in XXX earn roughly twice as much as the men, and perhaps she can chat with both women and men in the industry to gain some insights into why some married men fuck around and some don't—and why interpersonal relationships are complicated enough without dragging God or local prosecutors into them. We don't know too much about Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley, aside from the fact that he supports same-sex marriage, opposes the death penalty—and plays in the Celtic rock band O'Malley's March. Maybe fellow rocker Phil Varone can let him tag along as he shoots one of his 100% Real Swingers volumes. As for the Republican candidates, they're pretty much all lost causes. Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Ben Carson, Rick Perry, Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum are all religious nutbars to one degree or other, so it's doubtful they'd accept. Scott Walker is too busy trying to screw everyone who isn't already a millionaire out of just about every right they have, with ability to vote and freedom to join a union foremost among them. Carly Fiorina opposes abortion and same-sex marriage and is completely ignorant about climate change, so she's another likely no-show. Considering that he used to smoke pot in college, Rand Paul might give it a try—but then there's that "Aqua Buddha" thing that might make him particularly unwelcome on porn sets, where all of the sex is consensual. And of course, Chris "Bridgegate" Christie and Bobby "Creationist" Jindal haven't announced yet. No, we think the one possibility out of what Larry Flynt has referred to as the "double-tiered clown car" of Republican candidates is Lindsay Graham, the only bachelor in the crowd. He's already made plans that, if elected, he'll consider having a "rotating First Lady," which sounds promising, but unless he's very weird, he probably jacks off to something—and of course, we'd give him his choice of whether he'd like to visit a straight, gay or transgender set. So how about it, folks? You're all "men and women of the people," right? Even if most of you don't really give a shit about the "little people" (aka "the 99%"), everybody likes to watch other people fucking, right? And believe us, if you like watching the ladies and gentlemen (and TGs) of our industry on DVD, you'll love seeing them in "3D"—which is to say, in person! So COME ON DOWN!!!