Outrageous! Couple Could Get 15 Years for Sex on the Beach

BRADENTON, Fla.—Assistant State Attorney Anthony Dafonseca gets our vote as "Asshole of the Year," and it'll take a lot to unseat him from that lofty position. Why? Because he insisted on prosecuting Elissa Alvarez and boyfriend Jose Caballero for engaging in a "lewd and lascivious exhibition." Translation: They had sex on Bradenton Beach on Florida's conservative west coast. The fracas started last July 20, when Caballero and Alvarez decided that the beach would be a perfect spot to get it on, so the pair set down their blanket and began kissing and touching each other, eventually taking it all the way to intercourse. Just one problem: The Champ family—great-grandmother Victoria, grandmother April, and their grandkids, a 2- and 3-year-old—were also relaxing on the beach, when the 3-year-old noticed Caballero bouncing up and down on Alvarez and asked April, "What are they doing?" "Why, they're having sex," the grandma should have replied. "Let's not bother them." That would have been the stand-up thing to do. Instead, while April redirected the kid's attention to some seashells, great-granny Victoria pulled out her cellphone and began recording the couple's horizontal activities. Mom Emily Hall showed up a bit later—she'd been off the beach making sandwiches— and apparently went over to the couple and asked them to stop, which they did—for a couple of hours, but once the sun set, they were at it again—hence the eventual two charges for lewd and lascivious behavior. But the couple had finished their coupling when the cops showed up and slapped the cuffs on both—and that's when their problems really began. See, Caballero had finished an eight-year stretch for trafficking cocaine less than three years prior, and he was still on probation, meaning that any infraction he committed during that period could result in his probation being revoked and/or an increased sentence for any other "crimes." Alvarez had no record at all—which might be one of the reasons that when Dafonseca offered them a plea deal, the details of which were not released. But the couple insisted that they weren't having sex, and rejected the deal, so Dafonseca and co-counsel Ed Brodsky took them to trial on the charges, and the jury took fewer than 15 minutes to find the pair guilty—and Dafonseca expects that Caballero, the ex-felon, will get 15 years in prison for his part in the "crime." Why? "We're dealing with basically tourists, that came from Brandon and Riverview and West Virginia, and they're here on the beaches of Manatee County, our public beaches," Dafonseca told Kate Irby of Bradenton.com, referring to the Champs. "So you want to make sure that this isn't something that just goes by the wayside. And that it is well known to the community what will be tolerated and what won't be." FIFTEEN YEARS!!! And as an added bonus, both Caballero and Alvarez will have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives, for the "crime" of having consensual adult intercourse in the wrong place! "There is general agreement that Alvarez and Cabellero were disgusting and shocking in their conduct," opined attorney Jonathan Turley on his blog. "There is little debate that they deserved to be arrested for lewd and lascivious exhibition, particularly with a videotape and calls to the police. However in a move that has become all-too-common, the prosecutors are set to punish the couple for not pleading guilty by pushing for an absurdly draconian sentence against Caballero of up to 15 years in jail." Actually, there was at least some debate, in the comments section of Turley's blog, about whether they deserved to be arrested, but definitely no debate that the sentence was too harsh—but hey, that's why they call it Flori-duh! Pictured: The "happy" couple.