'Duck Dynasty' Dude Preaches the Christian Way to Avoid STIs

LOS ANGELES—Reality star homophobe Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame fancies himself a preacher—and uses the pulpits afforded him to preach a particularly nasty form of homegrown hate-fueled American Christianity. He's a despiser of all things "liberal," of course, and has just weighed in on the issue of sexually transmitted diseases, branding them a by-product of “orthodox liberal opinion.” If you git one of them nasty STIs, he's basically saying, you failed to fuck as a true Christian. Raw Story provides the unsavory details here. “Biblically correct sex is safe,” the bearded one instructed last month during a videotaped sermon in West Monroe, Louisiana. “It’s safe. You’re not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS — if you, if a man marries a woman, and neither of you have it, and you keep your sex between the two of you, you’re not going to get ever sexually transmitted diseases.” Digging into the details of how precisely an ordained sexual and procreative process is supposed to work, he explained to the flock, “Man meets woman, marries her, keeps his sex right there. The children come, the chances of them getting a sexually transmitted disease, would you say is almost zero? You can say it.” Thank you, Dr. Phil! Can you now tell us where things went wrong, and why even Christians are being diagnosed with STIs? "Because, they say we're going to follow orthodox liberal opinion," he explained. "Just breed anything and anybody. Just have at it; go for it. Don't be braggled and shackled and live a life of restraint before God Almighty. Don't do that! "God's way is the safe way, that's all I'm saying," he added. But Think Progress also included a statement by researcher Elizabeth Boskey, who "challenged the notion that monogamous sex can be devoid of sexually-transmitted diseases in a column for About.com this past February." Boskey wrote, “Even if you had undergone regular screening, if you were infected while having sex with a partner who had not been tested in years, there is always the possibility that they were infected asymptomatically a long time before you got together—and just didn’t know it. Even when you are having sex with someone who is infected with an std, you won’t necessarily get infected the first time you sleep together. Particularly if you intermittently practice safe sex, it could take months or even years.” Heathen! A video of his remarks can be seen here. Image: Phil Robertson, courtesy of duckcommander.com.