Looking For an Unexplored XXX Movie Niche? Try Bigfoot Porn

THE NORTH COUNTRY—We were pretty sure that all the possible niches adult video fans might want to see had already been done extensively—and then we discovered the bounty that is "Bigfoot porn," which has made a ton of money for its writers. As every budding cryptozoologist knows, "Bigfoot" (or "Sasquatch" as it's also known) is the name given to a near-mythical species that inhabits out-of-the-way places like deep forests and mountaintops, and has never had a non-blurry photo taken of any of its members. Moreover, back in 2012, researchers at the University of Oxford in the United Kingdom and the Museum of Zoology in Lausanne, Switzerland, solicited samples of hair containing alleged Bigfoot DNA in order to test the materials to determine if there actually was such a species. But after testing 37 unknown hair samples out of dozens submitted that proved either not to be hair at all or were too degraded to study, the researchers found that of the mitochondrial DNA extracted from the hairs, "ten ... belonged to various bear species; four were from horses; four were from wolves or dogs; one was a perfect match to a human hair; and the others came from cows, raccoons, deer, and even a porcupine," plus two samples matched polar bears. Of course, anyone who thinks that mere science can thwart the quest for Bigfoot has another think coming—and we're guessing that the quest for Bigfoot porn is in even less trouble despite those findings. "Writing Bigfoot porn, a sub-genre of 'cryptozoological erotica,' has earned self-published author Virginia Wade over thirty grand a month," wrote Robin Hardwick for the-toast.net. "That’s a lot of people buying books about having sex with a Sasquatch, and if a lot of people are buying, it must have appeal." No shit! Wade has produced 16 Cum for Bigfoot books, and that's not counting the anthologies, and her success has (if you'll pardon the expression) spawned a whole industry devoted to humans having sex, either willingly or forced, with mythical creatures like gargoyles, space aliens, minotaurs, leprechauns and just about any other human-beast hybrid a fertile imagination can think of. And rest assured, it's pretty racy stuff, as these quotes from one of Wade's novels show: "The dimness of the surroundings offered up enough privacy for me to let myself indulge in the bliss that Leonard [as Wade named her Bigfoot] offered, his hand cupping my breast, my nipple being compressed between his thick, black fingers. Our kisses went on forever, his tongue pillaging the insides of my mouth. What I really needed was to feel that talented, pink appendage slide inside my pussy, driving me wild with sensation... "I glanced over at my friend. She rode her Bigfoot, his cock buried deep inside of her. Her long brown hair fell down her back, as her perky breasts jiggled with the motion of her hips. Jean watched with an expression of shock, horror, and confusion. I could have cared less what she thought, as we fucked these beasts and enjoyed what they were doing to us. How could you explain something like this to someone who had never felt what it was like to mate with a Sasquatch? Being held in the arms of my Bigfoot was like snuggling into a warm, fuzzy blanket. All thoughts of the life I knew before dissapated, because, being with him, I felt whole. "Leonard's tongue drove into the folds of my pussy, plunging deep. "Oh... God..." Most of Wade's Bigfoot novels are available as ebooks on Amazon.com—but the question arises, since no one has yet captured a Bigfoot, and it's unclear whether making an actual adult movie with one would be considered bestiality—and since there are certainly plenty of costumiers who could supply a nice, big, hairy Bigfoot suit, perhaps some adult video producer might want to try her/his hand at a Bigfoot XXX video? Just a thought.