The Charlie, Rihanna and Scottine Dust Up

LOS ANGELES—Apparently, marrying into celebrity does not automatically bestow upon the spouse, or soon-to-be spouse, the same keys to the kingdom that the celebrity takes for granted, which must be more than a little deflating for the person coming on board who might very well assume that proximity to fame would create some sort of buffer zone of celebrity acceptance. Unfortunately, no such zone exists, as "Scottine Sheen" (as she now refers to herself) learned Wednesday evening when fiancé Charlie Sheen took her to the Giorgio Baldi restaurant in Santa Monica for her birthday. The way the Los Angeles Times put it, when Sheen learned that "fellow diva Rihanna" also was dining there, he "sent a request her way asking for an introduction" so that he could introduce Scottine Ross—the former porn star whose stage name Charlie doesn't want used anymore—who reportedly is (or was) a big fan of the pop singer. The response to the request set off a Twitterstorm of virulent attacks from Sheen directed at someone he has apparently never met. According to Charlie via Twitter, "well, the word we received back was that there were too many paps outside and it just wasn't possible at this time. "At this time? AT THIS TIME?? lemme guess, we're to reschedule another random 11 million to 1 encounter with her some other night...? "no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and 'please kill me now' that I'd never get back." We know how he feels. Calling Rihanna a "village idiot," Sheen's prose poem of love on behalf of his hurt "gal" continues on as he relentlessly attacks Rihanna's appearance, gloats over her inevitable fall from celebrity grace ("See ya on the way down"), and uses the event as a teachable moment as he attempts to school her on the secret code to celebrity longevity. "you see THIS is the reason that I ALWAYS take the time. THIS is why I'm in this thing 31 awesome years.  Good will and common courtesy, carefully established over time to exist radically in concert with a code of gratitude!" Rihanna obviously got wind of the tirade, because she let loose with a few choice tweets of her own Thursday morning, including " Goooorrrrrrlllllll......" at 10:23am and "If that old queen don't get ha diapers out of a bunch..." at 10:48am. Charlie replied with another intercontinental sonnet or sorts, which he delivered to TMZ via his publicist: "Dear Ms. Rihan-oh wait, no last name,Okay, Dear R - clearly English is NOT your primary language. Firstly I want to thank you for recognizing me as Royalty. I'm flattered. And secondly; do the good Queen a favor and go tend to the dungeon in my Castle. But beware of the rats and the snakes. They stir with folly awaiting your tepid advance, in the shadows..." later Doosh! cs"