So ... Who's on the BunnyRanch Blacklist Now?

LYONS COUNTY, Nev.—The words "morality" and "prostitution" aren't often used to compliment each other, but Moonlite BunnyRanch owner Dennis Hof is well familiar with both terms, and he's got some pretty strong opinions as to who's fit to use his ladies' services and who isn't—and one of the ones who isn't is LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Hof currently owns six brothels in Nevada, and there are two public figures and one family that will never darken any of their doors. "Well, we choose people that we don't like and put them on the list," Hof told AVN. "It started off with Michael Vick, because we're animal lovers here. We're friends with Sam Simon, the co-creator of The Simpsons, and he's gotten me more involved in the animal rights movement. My PR guy, after a year of working on it, like five years ago, was finally able to adopt one of Michael Vick's bait dogs, and that dog is in my office at least once a day, and he's afraid of his own shadow. He sits in the corner by himself, never says a word to anybody, will not interact with any other dogs. It took me a year to get him to take a treat out of my hand, and when you see that on a regular basis, you hate Michael Vick. So we started with him. "Then this year, because of Phil Robertson's homophobic remarks, and the fact that he's an animal killer enabler, if you will, with his duck calls, they're out there killing more animals, so we don't like this guy, primarily because he's homophobic but also because of our love for animals," he continued. "Then here comes this Sterling guy. Sterling, of course, made some terribly, terribly stupid remarks, and I just won't have that. We have a lot of NBA players that come to the BunnyRanch, and just out of respect to them, we felt like we should ban him. At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African-American, and they're smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning so we're doing this for them as well. We don't need racists or bigots at the BunnyRanch." Hof is proud to say that he was the first to ban Sterling, and five hours later, coming a little late to the party, so did NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. "I'm working on putting an owners' group together, and you know, the owner of the Lakers, Johnny Buss, is a very close friend of mine; we've had joint birthday parties at the BunnyRanch for 18 years," Hof noted. "And Jerry Buss, his father, is a personal friend with whom I've had a 35-year relationship, and so we're reaching out to everybody, and we're getting a good response from people, so who knows? I mean, it's a dream, but you know, the BunnyRanch was a dream 23 years ago too, and I've made that dream a reality and made it the most famous place in the world." So who's next? Perchance Cliven Ramsey, the local racist rancher whose cattle were grazing illegally on government land? "This guy, we haven't got into him yet, we've been so busy, but what a mess that one is, and I love it, because he was the fair-haired boy of the Republicans," Hof said. "[Rand] Paul was supporting him, Sean Hannity—they all loved him until he started with the plantation remarks, so we haven't got into that yet. But this Sterling thing has gotten real big. I mean, Jimmy Kimmel talked about it last night; Joe Scarborough talked about it on MSNBC this morning, and over 80 television stations have remarked about it on their newscasts, so we're happy to take a stand for the rights of all Americans to enjoy themselves at the BunnyRanch—unless they're so twisted with racism and cruelty that no one would want to be around them." And that, of course, is the moral way to conduct the business of prostitution. Pictured, l-r: Dennis Hof and Donald Sterling.