Pat Robertson Doles Out More Expert Porn Advice

JESUSVILLE—We’re not alone in our appreciation for the many priceless quips that have escaped the mouth of televangelist Pat Robertson, whose 700 Club is one of our favorite reality shows. But as nutty as the guy can be, we have to admit that the man knows his porn. This evangelist has walked the walk; dare we say, he has definitely gotten his hands dirty over the years, which is why his advice is so highly prized by so many. Today, once again, the subject of a viewer question was porn, and once again, Robertson dug deep into his vast worldly experience to help a woman in need. On Opposing Views, they thought his answer was “bizarre,” but we thought it was pretty damn insightful, even if we don’t agree with a word of it. Sarah’s email read, “I have recently caught my boyfriend watching porn. I tried to explain to him how it made me feel and how it was wrong. I showed him what it says about it in the bible. He apologized but after we talked, I caught him watching it again. I don’t think he’s addicted: I think he just watches it occasionally. How can I talk to him about this and get him to stop?” Robertson didn't hesitate a beat before getting to the crux of the matter. Speaking directly to the camera and Sarah, he replied, “You know, how do you talk to a drug addict to get him to stop taking heroin, how do you talk to somebody to stop using marijuana? How do you talk to an alcoholic to get him to stop drinking? I don’t think it’s talking that does it. I mean there has to be, in the case of a drug addict, some kind of a deliverance process that goes on. “Porn,” he added, “is an incredible addiction because it touches a natural human desire; it just expands it and makes it so glamorous. But the Bible says flee fornication, and that is a type of fornication or adultery. And we’re to flee it. But it has great appeal, I don't diminish the problem.” That is the truth. The old goat has never dismissed the power of fornication to hold sway over weak human desire. But as he also knows so well—and is able to express so vividly—man’s challenge is also all twisted up with those darned bosoms! "Sarah,” said Robertson, warming to the subject as only a man can, “he’s always going to be comparing you to those bosomy babes that are dancing around on those porn flicks. And you don’t want to be competing against something like that. If I were you I would say, 'Sayonara, you know, it's been fun but I just can't get into this relationship. “Leave!” he repeated in earnest. “It’s OK. You’re not married. Walk away." It seems obvious from that comment that Robertson assumes that Sarah is a plain Jane compared with his visions of the dancing bosomy babes her boyfriend is watching. In his heart of hearts, however, we’re thinking he believes the boyfriend could also do better. But, as the Raw Story reminded us, Robertson’s advice could just as well be determined by what day of the week it is. “Earlier this year,” reported the site, “Robertson advised a wife to stay with her husband even after he had been unfaithful.” Taking an altogether different tack from the one he did today, he told the upset wife, “He cheated on you. Well, he’s a man, Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit.” He then added, “What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander. Think of the temptations that are out there: the internet is filled with pornography; the magazines are filled with salacious pictures of women; anywhere you look there’s some solicitation to the senses to entice a man.” It should be pretty clear by now that despite whatever advice Pat Robertson dispatches on a given day his heart tells him that in the eternal conflict between porn and man, porn usualy wins. The gleam in his when he delivers this truth indicates that it’s a conflict he has enjoyed engaging in, and simply loves to talk about. Photo: Televangelist Pat Roberson makes a crude hand joke on the 700 Club.