Cancer From Cunnilingus? Michael Douglas Claims It’s Real

HOLLYWOOD, Calif.—What better way to promote your newest project than to proclaim that your throat cancer was not a possible result of years of heavy drinking and smoking, but rather from going down on your hot wife? Veteran actor and Oscar-winner Michael Douglas—while promoting his current project, HBO’s biopic Behind the Candelabra, where he portrays Liberace—told The Guardian newspaper recently that his throat cancer (he was diagnosed stage four in 2010) was caused by cunnilingus, and not excessive drinking and smoking, as he originally claimed. "No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus,” he told The Guardian. “I did worry if the stress caused by my son's incarceration didn't help trigger it. But yeah, it's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it." So he got the cancer from Catherine Zeta-Jones’ vajayjay. And was cured by same said vajayjay? Hmmmm. While mainstream press is having a field day with the self-diagnosis, some health professionals are questioning Douglas’ claims. The Guardian asked Mahesh Kumar, a consultant head and neck surgeon in London, for comment. "It has been established beyond reasonable doubt that the HPV type 16 is the causative agent in oropharyngeal cancer," he said, but added he was skeptical that Douglas’ cancer was solely caused by cunnilingus, as well as of the actor’s claim that continuing to go down his wife helped cure him. "Maybe he thinks that more exposure to the virus will boost his immune system. But medically, that just doesn't make sense," he said. Which got us thinking: Should male porn performers be concerned? At first thought, it seems they might be at greater risk than their civilian brethren, given their exposure to multiple partners. But when you add up the time they spend actually performing oral sex on camera, there's no need to suggest that this population is at any greater risk than the general populace. Another blog post on the Guardian site provides more data about the HPV vaccine: "HPV is really, really common—to the point that if you're a sexually active adult, you've probably had it. By the age of 25, 90% of sexually active people will have been exposed to some form of genital HPV (whether high or low risk), almost none of whom will ever have had any visible warts or other symptoms." But the good news is that despite the well-established link between HPV and other types of cancer—particularly cervical cancer—there is an easily obtainable, efficacious and safe HPV vaccine. According to the National Cancer Institute: "Widespread vaccination has the potential to reduce cervical cancer deaths around the world by as much as two-thirds, if all women were to take the vaccine and if protection turns out to be long-term." The Guardian post also takes issue with the actor on another point: "Douglas used HPV to exonerate smoking for his particular cancer. Unfortunately, the evidence suggests he wasn't quite right to do so. Most people rid themselves of HPV within a few years of catching it—but smoking disrupts this process, meaning the virus remains for far longer in smokers than non-smokers, increasing their risk of HPV-related cancers of all varieties." So, boys and girls—whether you're in porn or just a sexually active adult, play it safe and get vaccinated. And don't smoke!