Anonymous Threatens N. Korea Internet with Kittens, Porn

CYBERSPACE—Hackervist group Anonymous is claiming to have hacked official North Korean Twitter and Flickr accounts, and now says it intends to target the country’s internet and “inject the kittens and porn into their network," a threat that, while certainly serious, is unlikely to escalate or even complicate an already unstable situation. According to PCMag.com, Wednesday’s attacks “targeted North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in a series of tweets and photos that portray him in a less-than-flattering light.” There were five tweets overall. “Most included a simple message – ‘Hacked’ - accompanied by links to various North Korean websites,” reported PCMag.com. “One said ‘Tango Down’ with a link to the country's Flickr page.” There, the attackers “uploaded four images to North Korea's official Flickr photostream, including a fake ‘Wanted’ poster, depicting Jong-un with pig ears and a snout, and text that said: ‘Threatening world peace with ICBMs and Nuclear weapons/Wasting money while his people starve to death/Concentration Camps and the worst human rights violation in the world.’ The photo offers a bogus $1 million reward.” But Anonymous has more in store for the communist terror state. Writing on Pastebin, the group says that it has “guys on the ground who managed to bring the real internet into the country using a chain of long distance WiFi repeaters with proprietary frequencies, so they're not jammed (yet). We also have access to some N.K. phone landlines which are connected to Kwangmyong through dial-ups.” Claiming that “the whole chain of connections is slow and unstable” and “devices connected to the phone landlines are rapidly detected and removed by N.K. authorities,” the group promises that “As soon as the connections are stabilized and optimized, we gonna inject the kittens and porn into their network, because North Korean citizens wanna see lulzy kittehs and and hawt pr0n too.” The announcement also calls on the United States government to stop provoking North Korea with its "bombers and missiles and drones and shit" and to refrain from fighting "another war for your Zionist masters and your shareholder values." On the other side of the coin, the group says of Kim Jong-un, "We feel really sorry for your suffering of TDS (aka 'tiny dick syndrome') but be assured, threatening the world with your nukes won't make it any better at all. If you had finally opened up your country for the real internet, you would have already seen over 9000 ads for products devoted to solve your problem." Okay, then.