Slate is Asking About Paul Ryan Porn

LOS ANGELES—Paul Ryan may want to take away your Medicare and force you to get an abortion even if your father rapes you, but with a six-pack like the one sported by the dark, handsome VP hopeful sporting the sexy widow's peak, who cares? Let's throw grandma off the cliff and get busy making some porn! That, in a roundabout way, is what Slate is asking in a story published today titled, "A Nation Asks: Where's the Paul Ryan Porn?" The article was actually inspired by a teenage feminist blogger, but Slate ran with it by way of Porn Valley publicists and Lisa Ann, who's been the toast of Tampa in recent days as she reprised her role as "Serra Paylin" at local clubs in the run-up to the GOP Convention. The Ryan connection to either Lisa Ann or porn is flimsy, but Slate's Amanda Hess, taking a cue from teen blogger Marie, has developed the subject into a veritable tome on the parody politics of porn. Or is that the politics of porn parodies or simply politicians in porn? Either way you put it, it gave Hess an excuse to delve deeply into the fascinating dynamics of why Porn chooses to make porn about some politicians and not others. "While the porn industry is eager to spoof female politicians simply for existing—2008 also brought us the primary-season porn parody 'Hillary for President'—it generally only targets male politicians after they sexualize their own image by way of a high-profile scandal," she writes, citing movies featuring send-ups of Bill Clinton, Elliott Spitzer and El Rushbo as examples of post-scandal interest. Adding a scintillating whiff of cheap conspiracy, she adds, "The notable exception? President Obama, who hasn’t been involved in any sex scandals, but is black—and so has become a target of the adult industry’s uncomfortable fascination with interracial porn featuring black men and white women." Ouch! She certainly nailed the Palin on the head with that one... except that, well, maybe she's the one who's uncomfortable. The interracial niche seems to be doing quite fine and sleeping well at night, too—has been for quite some decades, actually. For Marie, the originator of this week's Paul Ryan porn fantasy, porn's alleged double-standard also irks, which seems to be why she created the post on Tuesday. Riffing on the immediacy with which a Sarah Palin porn flick was rushed into production as soon as the Alaskan governor became a national figure—and, oh, what a figure she brought to the 2008 ticket—Marie could not help but wonder, " So why haven’t we seen or heard anything about Paul Ryan porn? I think you can guess the answer. "Paul Ryan," she goes on to explain, "is a man, and for male politicians being attractive helps, it doesn’t harm. We aren’t going to see people analyzing Paul Ryan’s clothing choices, we won’t see any in-depth news articles on his debate make-up, and we certainly aren’t going to see Paul Ryan porn." In  other words, The Man is keeping it from happening. Sure, she muses, someone's going to make some gay porn with a Ryan lookalike, but as far as "some Paul Ryan porn made for women’s eyes" goes, she concludes sadly, "I don’t think that’s going to happen. Porn is another way that the patriarchy degrades women, making them into sex objects rather than actual people. " Porn, she adds with a final hint of hope, doesn’t have to be that way. "There isn’t anything naturally degrading or objectifying about sex on screen, but when it’s made by men for the pleasure of men, and when it mocks women in power, nothing good is going to come from it." Sounds like the girl is reading too much Gail Dines, which will only corrupt her brain and possibly turn her into an anti-porn addict. Dines also likes to state incorrectly that all porn is degrading to women and that no women ever get behind the camera with the goal of making porn for women's eyes. More and more are in fact doing just that. Over at Slate, Hess expanded her analysis to include a look at the partisanship that goes into the making of porn, but her reliance on the Association of Club Executive figures about who spends more at strip clubs during conventions, Republicans or Democrats (hint: it ain't the Dems), misses the point. Such statistical party analysis is rarely if ever taken into account when a studio or producer considers a politically-oriented movie. It really does come down to dollars and cents and whether the politician under consideration has the requisite celebrity sex appeal. It makes perfect sense that most producers will opt for a female politician over a male if the target audience is overwhelmingly straight and male. But the fact remains that the porn marketplace is so niched out, and content is made in such a variety of formats and lengths, that it is safe to say that someone somewhere is going to make some Marie-friendly straight porn featuring a Paul Ryan look-a-like, even if it is just to prove that such a thing is easily accomplished. If it's good, Marie and other like-minded porn-frustrated teen feminists (assuming they are not minors, of course) will be able to find it for free on their favorite tube site at their leisure.