Sasha Grey Abducted by Aliens, Forced to Make Inchoate PSA

ALIEN SPACESHIP—The AVN office is very concerned about Sasha Grey's whereabouts and safety. After watching a PSA released under her name that attempts to say something about either equal pay for women or why it's so cool to have blurry sex in a million-dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills, it's clear to us that the woman in the PSA looks and sounds like Sasha, but is not really Sasha, who we believe has been abducted by: 1. Misogynist aliens; or2. Scientologists who want to break into porn; or 3. A vegan public relations guru whose been binging on Red Bull. Someone also suggested that the PSA was a clever ploy by an Andrew Breitbart wannabe (or Santorum staffer) looking to bury any hope of equal pay for women by creating an incomprehensible and contradictory argument for it, but then how to explain the incredible Sasha doppelganger? No, we know Sasha well enough to recognize her actual body when we see it. What we do not recognize is the clever and coherent woman who would never make her own version of Jenna Jameson's infamous utterance at the AVN Awards: "Honesty is key—and I will never, ever, ever spread my legs in this industry ever!” But that is the sentiment this public-service announcement seems to be conveying with the closing lines, "Porn is about the only way to make more money than men. Find a better alternative on equalpayday.be."   On the other hand, the Sasha look-alike also says in the video, "I liked really dirty things. I've been hung upside down, and tied up and had a twelve-inch dildo stuck in my ass, with my mouth gagged. I'm proud of this ... something I chose to do. Who I am? I'm Sasha Grey." Sure you are. Look, we just want the real Sasha back; the one who fights for her right as a former porn star to read to school kids without it becoming a national scandal; the one who makes cool photography books and hobnobs with the mainstream elite. We don't give a shit if she ever does porn again. We just want to know that Sasha hasn't been turned into yet another Hollywood gasbag! A colleague here believes the video may really be a sly recruitment ploy for porn, which actually makes a lot of sense, because no one in their right mind would make a PSA this unintelligible if they really wanted to convince people that women need to be paid as much as men. And who are those people fucking in the background of the video, anyway? Are they mainstream SAG actors or porn performers? Did they donate their time for the PSA or are they getting paid scale? Are they really fucking or is it all simulated? And even if it is simulated, where is the damn 2257 link on the fake Sasha's website? See, this is how we know it isn't really Sasha. The professional we came to know and respect would never not have that link. Only a preposterous pretender or a stranger from another planet (or maybe a Scientologist) would fail to follow federal law in such a blatant and thoughtless way. But again, we don't care. Please just return Sasha to the earth and we'll forget this PSA was ever made. Below is the full transcript: I'm Sasha Grey, and when I turned 18 I left high school and decided I wanted to pursue different career possibilities. I worked as a secretary, as a teacher. I worked as a waitress. As a nurse, I actually made more than the doctors. Within a year, these jobs not only brought me respect, but also a lot of money. I liked really dirty things. I've been hung upside down, and tied up and had a twelve-inch dildo stuck in my ass, with my mouth gagged. I'm proud of this ... something I chose to do. Who I am? I'm Sasha Grey.